dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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