I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
