sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
