His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
