I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
