The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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