U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
