Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
