Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
