So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
