too bad you live with your parents still
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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