All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
