You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sarcasm needs its own font
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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