Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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