recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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