Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
