He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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