You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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