It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
