I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
