There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
