It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
