My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
