I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
