3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
