i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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