Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
