bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
