I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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