I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
