Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
