we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
