my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
