why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
