Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She said her name was "party"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
