Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
