i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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