Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
