dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
