THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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