the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
