I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
