I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
