think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
