In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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