I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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