I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
