guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
