Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
