YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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