you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
