dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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