Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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