i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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