If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
