i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
