he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
